Every year, I choose 3 words every year to guide my intentions, goals and decisions every day. Whatever doesn’t fit these words doesn’t fit my year.

This is how I know that I am on the right track, working towards my ultimate goals for myself, my work and my relationships.
​
For 2020, my 3 words are:
quietude,
fulfillment
and
freedom.

This exercise of coming up with 3 words is an annual ritual I have cherished for almost a decade now. I recommend everyone to do this, to pick even just one word. What is essential is reflecting for a moment on what you would like your ideal year to be, and committing it to paper. Because when it is written down somewhere, I really think it's one step closer to being actualized.

​I wish to create space in my day for calm, knowing that calm fuels clarity of thought, creativity, contentment and health.

I wish to embrace simplicity, to distinguish between what is essential and that which doesn’t serve me.

I hope to remember, especially when I forget, that everything comes from within – all the healing, all the answers, all the joy.

I wish to continue my daily appreciation of my surroundings, my home, my favorite places near and far.

I strive to be present, unhurried, to challenge the notion of “urgency”, rush less and enjoy more. I hope to finally make peace with grief, resentment and pain, to not let them poison my thoughts and shatter my hope. I want to feel peace with my decisions, and to make them without fear, without feeling the torment of picking the wrong door.

I want to feel that feeling of pure happiness and lightness that can be found in small pockets of peace, and for those moments to come closer and closer together in time.

​I wish for there to be a stillness in me that can’t be rattled, a steadiness that only grows stronger with practice.

​I wish to continue feeling pride and excitement at the thought of where I am, who I am and what I do. I want to wake up rested, curious, eager and motivated to create. I want to go to bed feeling complete. In between, I wish for my days to flow with ease. I want to be creative, productive and full of momentum.

I wish to feel like a garden in full bloom, a light that infiltrates everywhere, a tide that is powerful but gentle.
​
I wish for every day to be a clear step in the direction of my dreams. I wish to have something to celebrate every single day, and to hear myself laughing loudly, no matter where I am or who I am with. 

I want to be free. Untethered. Light on my step. Grounded and anchored to what is essential, but free to float in dreams and possibilities.

I want to feel connected to pure joy and purpose, and shake off what weighs me down.
I wish for the continued freedom to make my own living, to choose my projects and my people, but also my reactions and my words. I wish to break free of cycles and patterns that no longer serve me, or which actually never have.

I wish to be free of what others might say about me, what they might think of me but not say, what they say to me but don’t mean.

I wish to be free of the grasp of Time and the nagging worry that I won’t have enough of it.
​
I wish to learn how to achieve this freedom even though life is full of high tides, steep peaks and dark shadows. 

Once again, I’ve shown you a part of my heart. Thank you for reading and for being here with me, in whatever way, wherever you are.

And since you are here, having read this far, I ask you:
What is your word for 2020? What does your ideal year look like to you?

I would love for you to let me know in the comments below, or just write it out for yourself. I promise you, it's a powerful exercise. I wish for all your wishes to come true this year, and always!

From my heart to yours,
Kristina

There’s something uniquely special about the brink of a new year. Perhaps even more so, a new decade. 

Although I have always been anxious about the passing of time, the melancholy of endings and the uncertainty of new beginnings, I am somehow filled with renewed energy, optimism and courage when the page is turned to January and when 12 months lie ahead, unwritten.

When we look back on a year, our brains seem to try to categorize it as “a good year” or “a tough one”. The truth is, it’s always both.

When I look back on 2019, it stands out as a year filled with tiny moments, incredible triumphs and interesting discoveries. 

2019 was the year I vowed to be more present and mindful, and to really prioritize my wellness. I infused my morning routine with calm and intent. I put my heart into everything I did, otherwise I didn’t accept to do it. 

I was attentive to how people, situations and decisions made me feel; if I didn’t feel well, I backed away or changed my terms.

​I took my foot off the guilt pedal, having grown tired of its toxic effect on my mood and mindset. I embodied my philosophies rather than explaining or defending them.

​I made sure to reserve my apologies for serious rather than trivial things, and not to let anyone make me lose sight of my strengths, my uniqueness and my power.

It was the year where I finally started to accept the unexpected twists in my path and to embrace them, for everything these twists have brought me and every (unnecessary) thing they have taken away. ​

​It was a year of writing, creating, and finally thriving. I poured my energy into passions and projects that were aligned with my goals and my dreams.

​I shared a new company with the world, and, within a month of its existence, I had clients lined up and full-time hours of work in the books. But what a blessing when work doesn’t feel like work – when you wake up in the morning genuinely eager to see what your brain will accomplish and how you’ll help someone with their needs. 

​It was the year I got better at visualizing the life I wanted to have and taking concrete steps to create that life. It was the year I got better at verbalizing what it is that I do for a living and no longer feeling conflicted that I don’t fit in a neat little box. ​​

​I motivated myself to wake up and witness several stunning sunrises, astonished at how negative emotions like fear and inadequacy melt away in the face of a rising sun, leaving room only for gratitude, humility and awe. 

​2019 was the year where I lived in tune with the seasons – in acceptance of those outside my window and inside my own life. I spent almost every spring and summer day outside, in the garden or by the water, and found peace in nature’s gifts. I tried, invented and reinvented tons of new recipes, which is how I know that I’m feeling peaceful and creative. 

I worked extremely hard with the Collectif Créatif to be a leader in our artistic and entrepreneurial community here in Montreal, and to help create an inclusive, diverse and inspiring series of markets with my amazing colleagues.

It was the year I finally traveled to the south of France after daydreaming about what the Côte d’Azur would look, sound and feel like. I brought you a beautiful new collection that many of you have said is your favorite so far, full of color and feeling. 

Of course, 2019 also had many heartaches among its pages. I lost my grandmother, one of my pillars of strength and faith. Although I hear her wise voice in my ears daily and am visited by her in my dreams at night, I feel the void she left and would do anything to feel her hands around mine again.

It was still a year marked by tremendous physical pain due to endometriosis and complications from scar tissue built up from all my previous surgeries, sometimes making it hard to sleep, eat, move or breathe for days in a row. It was still a year where my words about my body were bitterly unkind, where I vowed to stop bullying it and to start genuinely trusting it, but never managed to stay true to that vow.

It was the year where I poured my soul into a heartfelt piece of writing that I submitted to a national competition but did not even get close to winning. 2019 also brought its share of extremely stressful, unpredictable situations with home repairs and bureaucratic hurdles, where my legal brain had to be sharp, which can be utterly exhausting. 

​But, well, there is never a year with only perfect pictures, smooth travels, sunshine and low tides. There are tons of messy days where nothing makes sense and everything feels daunting, where we question our purpose, our faith, everyone’s motives, and our biggest dreams. 

And then comes a sunrise, on a new morning of a new year and decade, and we have this beautiful opportunity to create 2020.

As you may know, instead of choosing a new year's resolution, I always choose 3 words to guide my intentions, goals and decisions every day of the year. 

For 2020, my 3 words are:
quietude,
fulfillment
and
freedom.

In this next post, I explain why I settled on these words and what they mean to me. See you there!

From my heart to yours,
Kristina

Since I was young, I have been restless, curious and drawn to certain places around the world without knowing why. Whenever the opportunity arose to travel and even live abroad for studies and work, I jumped at it with my heart thumping in my chest and a notebook (and camera) ready to record my observations and feelings.

It is difficult to pinpoint exactly when my "normal" life with endometriosis (then still undiagnosed) unraveled into symptoms that were too much to bear on a daily basis, let alone to carry with me on a trip. My nomadic lifestyle and, to a large degree, my sense of self, grappled with the reality that I could not travel freely with my condition, which needed treatment and management continuously on a physical, mental and emotional level. 

Travel is a privilege and is good for the soul. But chronic conditions like endometriosis, multiple sclerosis, fibromyalgia, PCOS, Crohn's, or celiac disease (only to name a few) require lifestyle accommodations and mindset shifts on a daily basis, which can make travel feel daunting. 

Here are my 5 tips for traveling with a chronic illness. These are the strategies I personally use as someone with debilitating endometriosis and associated conditions. Whether I travel with loved-ones who know about my condition or with acquaintances who have no idea, I prioritize these 5 practices to make sure that I am comfortable, peaceful and ready to feel inspired by my journey. 

The basics cannot be underestimated!

Having travel health insurance and a flexible cancellation policy is important and definitely not a waste of money. Knowing that you are covered in case of unexpected circumstances can help reduce anxiety surrounding your health condition, making your trip far more enjoyable.

Make sure to have your pain / prescription medications filled for the duration of your stay. It could also help to have them in their original packaging or at least with the accompanying label that describes their generic pharmaceutical name and dosage, in case this information is required by a physician or pharmacist caring for you abroad. 

Before you pack, make a checklist of everything you use at home to manage your symptoms and flare-ups. Be sure not to forget these essentials, whether it is your favorite loose clothing (hey there, #endobelly), your more reliable footwear, a hot water bottle or heat pack, lavender or other soothing essential oils, CBD, specific foods, bath salts, etc. 

In short, do everything you can to feel at home when you travel.

If you're like me, chances are you've been called "hypersensitive" or something similar over the course of your medical (or even personal) history. Well, I've learned that the beauty of being so "hypersensitive" is being totally in tune with my body, its signals and its needs. Checking in with yourself regularly - not only when symptoms surface - is the best tool to keeping triggers at bay and fully enjoy your trip. 

What foods or behaviors trigger flare-ups in your symptoms?
At what point in the calendar are you vulnerable or susceptible to pain or fatigue? 
What are the non-negotiables in your daily or weekly self-care routine?

Know your rhythm, your triggers, your body's signals and your favorite strategies for taking a step back and prioritizing self-care. 

There is nothing in the rulebook that says you cannot adopt all of your approaches while you travel! 

There can be a lot of guilt associated with living with a chronic illness, but it's important to train ourselves not to feel guilty for tending to our physical, emotional and mental needs. Choosing an accommodation that will support our comfort is an important part of traveling happily.

If you feel you might need a private room, a bathroom or a bathtub, look for an accommodation with those criteria. If swimming or warm, sunny climates help ease your pain, choose destinations that will do you good! Look up the surroundings of your accommodation - know where the nearest pharmacy or supermarket is, for example.

While in transit, pace yourself. Give yourself enough time so you don't have to rush or strain. Finally, don't be shy to ask for assistance, whether it means getting a lift somewhere, or asking the airline staff for extra support. 

Travel can be so exciting, invigorating and exhausting - it's easy to forget yourself and to neglect your downtime when you're on the go. ​If you're the type to follow an itinerary, then please schedule REST into your itinerary!

Seriously.

​Guilt-free time to relax and recharge will make your travel experiences more positive and more memorable than if you take that time to cram in yet another destination or activity. 

If the way you are feeling "gets in the way" of something you had planned to see or do, please don't be hard on yourself. I know that feeling all too well. Truthfully, this is still something I struggle with personally. Forgive your body for slamming on the breaks. Go one extra step and thank it for doing so, because it means it is articulating its needs, and maybe - just maybe - you will discover something special in staying still. 

SyneWHAT?

Synesthesia.

Don't worry, it's not contagious. And it's actually pretty cool. 

Since I was a little girl, I’ve been aware of the fact that every word I read or hear is colored. To be more precise, every letter and every number has its “own color”. I see these so vividly and automatically in my mind, without any effort or control, that I used to think it was a common experience shared by everyone.

It wasn’t until a Neuroscience class during the first semester of my Master’s in my twenties that I finally learned that my color perception was not common, and that it was called "synesthesia". I approached the Professor after class and he enthusiastically asked whether I would take a battery of tests, since he conducts research on the neurobiological basis of synesthesia. Suddenly, I found myself in a tiny windowless Italian office for two hours, answering detailed questionnaires and assigning all letters, numbers and days of the week a precise shade of color using the color wheel in PowerPoint, until it was confirmed that I indeed have a very strong and consistent form of synesthesia.

​I felt strangely giddy. 

The type of synesthesia I experience is called "grapheme-color synesthesia".

The colors I see in response to letters, numbers, whole words, and other symbols are very precise. For example, "D", "J" and "P" are all green, but they differ in their shades. Similarly, "C" is mustard yellow, whereas "I" is a brighter, sunshine yellow. I see these colors in my mind, although I can project them onto a page or a wall if I think of them. The first letter of a word determines the color for the whole word, and it is based on the orthography, not the sound it makes. For example, the words "cat" and "catastrophe" are both the same mustard yellow color, and the words "photography" and "psychology" are both the same clover green. On the other hand, "site" is dark red, contrary to "cite" which is mustard yellow, even though they share the same sound. 

Proper names follow the same colors as common words, but for some reason, days of the week and months of the year have some kind of special status. "Monday" is greyish white, even though the letter M is a midnight blue. "February" is a dark pinkish coral, although the letter F is usually dark purple. 

Numbers, unlike words which have one main color, are colored according to their individual digits. For example, 27 is not just one color, but is made up of a yellowish-orange 2 and a reddish-brown 7. Punctuation marks and other symbols also have their own colors, but they are somehow less salient than letters or numbers. 

These experiences are vivid whether I read text or hear language. ​When I see font colors that are incongruent with my "own colors", it is a tremendously unsettling experience! I genuinely have trouble focusing on colored font or on objects like alphabet toys when the colors differ from the ones I instinctively see!

My color perceptions in response to language occur not only in my most dominant language (English), but also in any additional languages I have learned, whether I've learned them during early childhood or adulthood. 

The colors tend to be consistent when the orthography is consistent (French, Italian, Spanish, German, Dutch), but different when the script is non-alphabetic (Armenian). 

I have noticed that my color perceptions are weaker when my proficiency is weaker in a language. For example, as I have less exposure to Armenian script in adulthood than I did in childhood, I have noticed that the color perception of some letters is much less salient than other letters I am more familiar with and can recognize more easily. 

On the other hand, scripts I can decipher only in part (Greek) only have some colored letters, whereas scripts I cannot decipher at all (Russian) are not colored at all. 

Although letters and words typically share the same color associations across my languages, some symbols do not. Quotation marks, for example, are red in English (” “), blue in French («, ») but yellow in German („“). 

There are a few exceptions where the semantic meaning of the word influences its color. For example, "acqua" in Italian or "agua" in Spanish are both blueish white, even though the letter A is dark red. 

The word “blue” is actually blue, rather than being brownish-orange like the letter B. Oddly enough, though, the word “green” is brownish-red and not green, so I have no idea what makes the meaning prevail in some cases but not in others!​

In addition to seeing colors in response to orthographic symbols, there are a number of other “odd” spatial experiences linked to my form of synesthesia.

When people speak, I see words and sentences running through my mind like subtitles.

Days of the week are organized in a specific way (from left to right), as are months of the year (from top to bottom). 

Research has shown that these kinds of spatial features seem to be a rather consistent experience among synesthetes. 

Over the years, I've grown quite attached to my synesthesia. If I am extremely fatigued, ill or waking up from surgery, I immediately "check" if my synesthesia is still instinctive and strong, for fear of losing it. I love this aspect of my brain and my sensory experience, despite some of the quirks associated with it. 

On the upside, I am quick at spotting typos or mistakes, as well as items on a list because my brain kind of sorts by color as my eyes flit over the writing. 

I have a strong visual, photographic memory -- a correlation that has often been reported in individuals with synesthesia. It can help me recall things, like names or phone numbers, because I tend to feel its color. For example, I know my doctor's office is on the 2nd floor because the number is yellow. 

However, synesthesia can also interfere with my memory. I often confuse numbers or names because of their similar color. For example, I always think that the metro station Vendôme in Montreal is on the green line instead of the orange line, because words beginning with V are green. I experience the "tip of the tongue" phenomenon quite a lot when trying to remember someone's name and only being able to see its color in my mind. 

Other disadvantages to synesthesia have been reported in the scientific literature. Like other synesthetes have reported, I have odd difficulties in basic sense of direction (unless I see a map, which becomes imprinted in my photographic memory), basic arithmetic and left-right issues (I often have to consciously think about what is "left" and what is "right"). 

Although I had no idea that this was a special neurological trait until my early twenties, my earliest recollection of my color experiences is from around the time I started daycare and kindergarten. I remember playing with magnetic alphabet letters and feeling that "A" was indeed a very red letter. I also remember the French alphabet cards that my Grade 1 teacher had posted above the blackboard, and that the word île (island) was “a very yellow word”.

Another very strong early memory comes from playing the board-game "Life" with my sister. I would spin the wheel and feel unsettled that the number 6 was yellow instead of olive green, and that the number 1 definitely should have been reddish-brown instead of blue.

I didn’t vocalize any of this until sometime in high school when I was shopping for notebooks and school supplies, and I finally told my mom that I needed a green notebook for Physics (“because Physics is a green subject!”) and a blue notebook for Math. I honestly thought she knew exactly what I meant — well, because Moms know everything — but it turns out she had absolutely no clue and I was totally alone in this experience.

I have since then tried to convince her that she and my grandmother must also have SOME form of synesthesia because research into the genetics of synesthesia has revealed that it is indeed hereditary. But alas, I am the only one in my family with this "strange" experience that I'm consistently (but lovingly?) called a "weirdo" over. 

Jokes aside, though, I am thankful that I have never felt that my experiences were not valid, nor have I ever felt alienated or ridiculed over them. 

My color-grapheme synesthesia is the first form of synesthesia that I noticed growing up, because it is so visual and salient. However, I also have other more discrete forms of synesthesia.

"Hearing-motion synesthesia" is when witnessing movement causes an auditory perception. At preschool age, I first noticed that I could hear sounds when watching the TV on mute. I would have the 6 o'clock news on mute while playing with my toys, and I remember "hearing" the frequency of the news anchors' voices based on the movement of their lips, as well as the sounds of their hand gestures and their stacks of paper on their desks. 

I seem to "hear" all kinds of movement - gestures, an object cutting through space or other silent bursts of visual stimuli. 

I also have a mild case of "mirror touch synesthesia" where I experience a sensation in a part of my body when I watch someone else experience a sensation in that body part. 
If I watch a scene of someone burning their hand, I feel the sensation in my own hand. It can get quite disconcerting, but I always describe it as a heightened sense of empathy!

Lastly, I've noticed that I tend to personify objects and feel as though they have personalities. Again, it's not as salient as my main form of color synesthesia. I can sometimes find myself taking a plate from the kitchen cupboard and upon thinking for a minute, replacing it with another, because it didn't "feel" right.

Although the occurrence of synesthesia has been reported for over a century, it was long treated as a subjective experience unworthy of scientific investigation. Recently, however, a growing body of research has begun to investigate the cognitive and neural bases of synesthesia and has demonstrated that these experiences are real and verifiable. It has been claimed that synesthesia arises from neuro-developmental differences in the maturation of the brain, which give rise to atypical connections between different brain regions that would not normally interact.

In grapheme-color synesthesia, it seems that the brain areas involved in color processing and in the identification of letters and numbers are connected or “cross-activated”.

Brain imaging studies have revealed significant differences between the brains of synesthetes and non-synesthetes in the way they respond to linguistic stimuli such as graphemes and phonemes (written symbols and sounds). For grapheme-color synesthetes, letters and words have been shown to elicit activation in the brain regions actually involved in processing color, whereas this enhanced activation was not found in non-synesthetes, nor for stimuli that do not typically induce internal color experiences in these individuals. In addition to activating early visual areas responsible for the perception of color, synesthetes also activated “higher-order” brain areas responsible for the cross-modal integration of language and visual form.

The study of synesthesia is now seen as a window into perception, cognition and language, and the connection between them.

Living in a world of constant color stimulation for as long as I can remember, it's no wonder that I adore vibrant colors and have a slight aversion to white! 

Synesthesia is a unique neurological and psychological experience. Feel free to leave a comment below and ask me anything you'd like to know about it. I'll answer about my own experience or point you towards resources where you could learn more. 

From my heart to yours,
Kristina

I’ve always been a dreamer.

Being a dreamer doesn’t only mean having lofty goals for yourself that are beautifully out of reach (until, somehow, they are not).
​
Being a dreamer also means you often reflect on your life. On who you are, on what fills you with joy (or doesn’t), on how far you have come, and on what you deeply wish for yourself. Those wishes can be tangible or idealistic, for the near future or way down the line. But every dreamer has those wishes. 

If you have been following me for some time, you know that I usually start the year with a reflection. I look back in order to look forward, and I choose 3 words as the main “themes” or intentions to guide my new year. These words are thoughtfully conjured up as a culmination of what I loved and disliked about the previous year.
​
​​Why 3? Because I have a thing for trilogies.

​I am as strategic as I am intuitive in this process. You can read my summary of 2018 in this post and get your hands on this free workbook that walks you through this process of reflecting so you can arrive at your own 3 words for the year.

If I can align myself with these deep wishes in my daily actions and reactions, I will get closer to my goals and my dreams – as an individual, as a professional, as an entrepreneur, as an artist. It’s not easy, but growth never stems from what is easy!

For 2019, my 3 words are PRESENCE, EASE and TRUST.

​Presence has been a work in progress since 2017. As an entrepreneur and someone with multiple competing projects and passions, I find it TOO easy to get caught up in the hustle, competition and over-stimulation that characterizes the current world around us.
Suddenly, meals get gobbled, breaths are held, social media dictates our self-worth, mornings hurriedly turn to night, seasons dissolve into one another, and we wonder where it all went and what it all means.

It has been a powerful realization for me just how much a mindful, grateful and present mindset benefit my creativity, my photography, my business growth, my income, my collaborations, my health and my inner peace.

In 2019, I wish to continue doing those activities which ground me. Those activities which emphasize observation, introspection and connection with the world around me. Journalling, gardening, practicing deep breathing, taking walks, cooking and slowly savoring new recipes, spending time away from devices or social media, seeing my osteopath regularly, and of course, practicing photography just for the FUN of noticing and being in the moment.

I wish to let go a little bit of that sense of urgency that guides many of my actions. It’s what fuels my productivity and my ideas, but it also often costs me a sense of calm.

Don’t get me wrong: By “ease”, I don’t mean taking the path of least resistance.
Or maybe I do?

It is actually about not wanting to create or attract resistance. It’s NOT about taking the easy way out. I will continue to take risks, be bold in my decisions and to chase my dreams far outside of my comfort zone – because that is who I am.

But I wish for good things to flow abundantly, and for pieces to fall into place seemingly effortlessly (although we all know that nothing is truly effortless).

In 2018, my faith and forgiveness in "life” crumbled under the weight of grief.

I hope that I can rebuild my trust in life’s journey in 2019.

“What is for you will not pass you.” That quote is on a bracelet my sister gave me for Christmas. And what a beautiful motto to guide me this year, to take some weight off my shoulders and to reduce some resistance in my own reactions to circumstances.
​
I hope to trust more in the story, in its plot twists, characters and message. 

​Presence. Ease. Trust. What doesn’t fit these themes, doesn’t fit my year. ​

I wish for you to know what you wish for, and to chase it with all your might! In 2019 and always. 
​
From my heart to yours,
Kristina

Vous me connaissez maintenant : de temps en temps, je vide mon coeur sur une page. 

En fait, je le fais assez souvent. Mais, de temps en temps, je vous permets de le lire!

Pendant le temps des fêtes, je suis souvent en mode réflexion. Je pense à l'année derrière moi - à mes réussites, ces défis inattendus, ma croissance personnelle et la croissance de mon entreprise. C'est en réfléchissant sur les 12 derniers mois que je peux aborder la nouvelle année avec motivation et intention. Je partage mes stratégies de réfléction et de planification dans ce document gratuit que vous pouvez télécharger, mais pour l'instant ce que j'aimerais partager avec vous est un résumé sincère et vulnérable de mon année 2018.

Cette fois, dans ce billet de blog, je laisse mes mots au premier plan. Mes photos n'apparaissent qu'à la fin de l'article. C'est un peu comme une lettre personnelle pour vous.

Lorsque 2018 a commencé, mes 3 thèmes pour l'année était: rêves, équilibre, magnétisme. Je voulais avoir plus de temps et de confiance dans mes rêves, de faire et d'être ce que je voulais faire et être au fond de moi. Je voulais apprendre à mieux respirer, à écouter plus attentivement mon corps et à trouver ma paix avec mon parcours et mes décisions. 

Ce fut une année avec quelques gros chapitres significatifs plutôt que cent chapitres plus courts.

Ce fut l'année où j'ai consacré plus d'énergie et de passion que jamais à la croissance de mon entreprise. L'année où j'ai appris à laisser de côté ces expériences qui faisaient pencher la balance trop loin vers la négativité et l'épuisement émotionnelle. L'année où je n'ai pas eu peur de penser et de dire à haute-voix: «Non, désolée, cela ne me convient pas.» L'année où j'ai cessé de justifier mes choix auprès de ceux qui ne pouvaient pas assez modifier leur point de vue pour chercher à me comprendre. 

C'était l'année de 52 articles de blog publiés, de 25 marchés ou expositions auxquelles j'ai participé avec mon entreprise, de 5 marchés que j'ai organisées avec notre incroyable équipe Etsy Montréal et également l'année où mon 13e manuscrit scientifique a été soumis pour publication.

Mais, puisque nous comptons ...... c’était aussi l’année de ma 2e chirurgie abdominale majeure en moins de 2 ans, plus de 25 scans ou IRM subis par mon corps et… un événement que je ne parviens jamais à décrire en partie à cause de mes propres tabous personnels et en partie parce que cela me déchire le coeur, ce fut l'année d'une 3ème fausse couche - celle-ci étant moins ambiguë, plus triste et plus conséquente que les précédentes. 

Ce fut aussi une année de nombreuses premières. Cette année, j'ai rédigé de A à Z mon tout premier livre. C'est l'année où j'ai mis en mots pour la première fois comment l'endométriose sévère et des problèmes ovariens ont affecté ma vie et ma carrière. C'était la toute première année pour mon organisation de santé nommée "Alba", un projet qui a pour but d'aider d'autres femmes et familles atteintes à travers le partage de témoignages, d'oeuvres d'art et de fonds collectés pour la recherche. Ce fut aussi la première année où j'ai offert aurant de séances portraits ou des photoshoots d'événements, la première fois où je suis passée à la télé, mon premier voyage aux Maritimes, ma première présentation à un congrès sur la santé de la femme ainsi que la première fois où j'ai conçu moi-même le design d'un gros kiosque pour une exposition. Plusieurs de ces premières expériences étaient loin en dehors de ma zone de confort. L'anxiété, des "pep-talks" avec moi-même et beaucoup de préparation ont fait de ces événements un succès qui méritait d'être célébré à chaque fois.  

Ce fut une année où j'ai trouvé ma raison d'être, où j'ai perdu ma foi, où j'ai retrouvé ma volonté de continuer à avancer dans la direction des rêves qui me faisaient vibrer. 

Je me sens à la fois épuisée et rechargée en ce début de janvier 2019, mais je suis surtout curieuse de voir comment cette année se déroulera. Quels tests et quels triomphes me portera 2019 entre ses pages? Chaque rebondissement a fait de moi un personnage plus complexe et une histoire plus complexe à raconter. En effet, je suis heureuse de raconter cette histoire plus en détail dans une version révisée de mon livre plus tard cette année. 

Ce qui est important, et voilà ce qui vous concerne: je suis tellement réconfortée et émue par l’idée que vous soyez ici avec moi. J'adore partager avec vous ce que je vois, ce que je ressens, où je vais, comment je vis, ce que je collectionne et ce dont je rêve. Mon travail est alimenté par la nostalgie, l'inspiration, les récits mais aussi par VOUS tous. J'adore vous aider à trouver des éléments de décoration qui vous inspirent, jaser avec vous de voyages et de photographie, recevoir votre feedback touchant. Vous ne savez pas comment cela alimente ma passion, ma créativité et mes activités quotidiennes.

Merci de lire, de me suivre, de magasiner et de partager. Merci de laisser des commentaires de temps en temps; j'aime ça savoir que vous êtes de l'autre côté de l'écran!

De mon coeur au vôtre,
Kristina

Et maintenant, OUI, quelques photos!

​Depuis combien de temps me suivez-vous? Laissez-moi un commentaire ci-dessous!

You know me by now: Now and then, I spill my heart onto the page. 

Well, I do so quite often actually. But, now and then, I actually let you read it!

I have been in reflection mode as I always am during the holidays, looking back on my accomplishments, unexpected plot twists and personal growth of the last 12 months, so that I can dive into 2019 with intention and excitement. I share my step-by-step process of reflection and intention with you in this free download, but what I want to share with you now in this blog post is a heartfelt summary of my past year.

​This time, I'm putting my words in full focus, and the photographs appear at the end of the post. Consider this a personal letter to you. 

When 2018 began, my three wishes for the year were dreams, balance and magnetism. I wanted to have more time, conviction and confidence to DO and BE what truly excited me. I wanted to learn to breathe better, to listen more attentively to my body, and to get better at making peace with my path and my decisions.
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It felt like a year with a few BIG chapters rather than a hundred smaller ones.

It was the year where I poured more energy and passion than ever into my growing business. The year where I learned to properly let go of experiences that tipped the scale too far towards resentment and negativity. The year where I wasn’t afraid of thinking and saying “No, sorry, that doesn’t work for me”, instead of complaining in secret. The year where I stopped justifying my choices to those who couldn’t bend their perspective enough to understand them.

​It was the year of 52 blog posts published, 25 shows I participated in with my shop, 5 shows I co-organized with our amazing Etsy Montreal team and my 13th scientific manuscript submitted for publication.

But, since we’re counting...... it was also the year of my 2nd major abdominal surgery within 2 years, over 25 scans or MRIs and … something I still can’t manage to put into words partly because of my own taboos and partly because it hurts so very deeply, a 3rd miscarriage – this one more devastating and consequential than those more ambiguous, earlier losses of pregnancy.

It was also a year of many firsts. This year, I wrote my first book cover to cover. It was the first time I ever put into writing how endometriosis and ovarian failure has affected my life and my career path. It was the first year for my newly founded health organization Alba, which truthfully causes me mild anxiety but huge excitement at the same time. It was the first year I booked so many portrait / event photoshoots, the first time I appeared on TV, the first time I traveled to maritime Canada, the first time I presented a project at a health conference, and the first time I designed a large booth for an art exhibition. Many of these firsts were so far outside of my comfort zone, it took quite some pep talks to myself and preparation to achieve these milestones!

It was a year of finding my truth, losing my faith, and finding my will to keep moving in the direction of my dreams.

I feel both exhausted and refreshed at the start of this year, but mostly I am curious to see how it will unfold – what tests and triumphs it will carry between its pages. Each plot twist has made me a more complex character, and has made a more complex story to tell. Having come to terms with this, I'm excited to tell this story more fully in a revised version of my book later this year. 
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Importantly, and this is where YOU come in: I am so comforted and so deeply thrilled by the idea of you being here with me. I love sharing with you what I see, what I feel, where I go, how I live, what I collect and what I dream of. My work is fueled by nostalgia, inspiration, stories but also by YOU. Helping you find decor pieces that inspire you, talking about places or photography with you, getting your heartwarming feedback in response to my work. You have no idea how this fuels my passion, my creativity and my day-to-day activities.

Thank you for reading, for following, for shopping and for sharing. Please remember to leave me comments now and then. I love to connect with you and to know that you’re on the other side of the screen.

From my heart to yours,
​Kristina

And now, yes, some pictures!

How long have you been following me for? Leave me a comment below to say hello!

Tonight, I am both moved by life and mad at life at the same time.

​Last Christmas, I met a lovely young woman at one of my holiday shows. She fell in love with one of my prints almost immediately. She held it in her lap for a long while, and I watched as it made her face come alive. Her presence in my booth really touched me. It did not matter that she was in a wheelchair. It did not matter that we had to use signs to communicate. All that mattered was that there was a connection, and she was happy.

This evening, the father wrote to me to tell me that she passed away this week, that the awful degenerative neurological disorder she suffered from had taken her away. He wrote to me to tell me that he had taken the photograph back from her room and that he would keep it, in memory of her. He thanked me for the photograph, and I was moved to tears.

​That day at the market, her presence had made me feel connection and purpose. We are so focused on numbers nowadays, but I had felt grateful that I could impact ONE life. Tonight, I am thinking of that one life, and am grateful to have been useful for a brief micromoment within it.

Here's to her, that stranger, that happy girl. Her favorite: "Bicicletta" ​

For more posts like this one, be sure to follow me on Instagram!

I sat down one day during this past year and wrote a short essay called "Wishes for a Near-Future Me" and it was such a powerful, cathartic exercise.

I've added this essay to my Etsy shop to better connect with you and inspire you to contemplate the ideal version of YOUR life and strive towards it. All proceeds go to my women's health initiative called Alba A New Dawn. 

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My time in the Basque Country, which was not only the place where I met several key players in my field of scientific research but where I diligently experimented with my digital camera and pondered whether I could eventually sell my travel photography to inspire others.

That summer - and that place - in Germany, where it felt like the world was my oyster, where it felt like my soul was on fire. Alive, capable, passionate and absolutely happy.

Berlin, which was the hub of many impassioned moments, many decisions and many returns. 

Barbati, where, after a very difficult string of months - no, years - I finally shook myself to embrace mindfulness and inner peace. 

Venice - my soul city - in that precise moment where, for the first ever time, it rained on me. The spell, our pact, was suddenly broken and it was absolutely magical. Instead of reaching for my umbrella, I reached for my camera, a love-struck smile on my face.

Have a wonderful week!

From my heart to yours.

Version française

This is a raw, personal, heartfelt post - I hope you can read it to the end. 

Many – in fact, most – of you don’t know that for eighteen years, I have been a sufferer of severe endometriosis and other related health conditions - experiences that have changed me and my life forever.

Although I’m a writer at heart and have written about almost everything, this is something I’ve never put into words until now, not even in my own journals, and something I certainly did not imagine doing so publicly. But after nearly twenty years of this complex story, and after seeing so many other women struggling in similar ways, it is time now.

Unexpectedly and in almost one sitting, I have written my first real book – cover to cover – complete with things I’ve never written for a book, like a preface, an author’s note and acknowledgments. In it, a raw, candid, descriptive account of my personal journey - one that will surely resonate with many women and men around the world.

Why? And why now?

This March, I will be launching an inspiring new initiative called Alba – a new dawn.  The website will showcase – through photographs, words and products designed for the cause – women entrepreneurs who have been affected by endometriosis, female cancers, chronic pain and infertility.

My goal with Alba is to help us shift the dialogue on women’s health and achieve a brighter dawn with more pro-active, holistic, systematic approaches for all, as well as to raise funding for research.

​I have chosen to launch it in March in time for endometriosis awareness month and for Women's Day (March 8th).

The e-book is now available for pre-order through my Etsy shop.

By pre-ordering today, you will receive it in your inbox on its release date, March 8th. All proceeds from the book will go to starting up and maintaining the Alba project, which in turn will help many women find their voices and will collect funds for research on female cancers and endometriosis. Needless to say, you'd be donating to an important cause. 

Whether you have been directly touched by the challenges of endometriosis and related health conditions (such as chronic pain, female cancers and infertility) or whether you are curious to learn more about this misunderstood and complex illness from the outside in, the poignant and brutally honest passages in "It's Time." are intended to educate, empower, inspire and heal. 

Please follow @alba.a.new.dawn on Instagram and share this post as widely as possible, as we prepare for the launch of the initiative and the e-book!

If this resonates with you and you would like to find out about opportunities to become a member, affiliate or sponsor, please send me an e-mail to alba.a.new.dawn@gmail.com and I’ll walk you through how the initiative will work. All opportunities will also be detailed on the website when it is launched in two weeks.

This post, and this whole mission, comes from the most vulnerable, rawest part of me. I’m taking a deep breath and hoping you’ll join me on this journey. 

From my heart to yours,
Kristina